You have heard it before, the old “Women who don’t want kids are selfish” line. This is one of the biggest crocks of shit I’ve ever heard. Where do I even begin? Let’s start with the fact that the wage gap still exists, and unlike several other countries in the world, the US still doesn’t require paid maternity leave. Not to mention it is still looked at as a woman’s place to be the nurturing mother/babysitter the majority of the time. Being a mom, especially a single mom, is extremely hard work, and not everyone is cut out for it. Plain and simple. The tired notions of “women are natural nurturers,” “it’s a woman’s sole purpose to be a mom,” and “every woman is completely in love and happy with her newborn baby” are often very false and very unrealistic.
All women, like men, are not the same. Not every woman wants the same things out of life, not every woman likes to drink coffee or watch horror films. Maybe there are women who want to spend their lives working a job they love, or traveling. Maybe they want to read books and write books and paint pictures experience life on their own terms, their own way, doing what they want, when they please. There is absolutely NOTHING wrong with that. But – GASP!? Women doing what they want when they please? Whores! They are ruining America! They are ruining the family! Yes, there are people who actually think like this and it’s usually the conservative republicans who firmly believe in the good ol’ family structure of the olden days: Man in charge, the breadwinner, woman barefoot and pregnant, cooking, cleaning, taking care of all the kids with zero access to birth control.
Luckily, I’m pretty sure the majority of sane, modern-day women (and men) do not think that this idea is good, healthy, or right.
Some more reasons women may not want to have children:
- they like their body
- they are simply turned off by the thought of puking for 9 months and squeezing a human out of their vagina
- they want to be financially sound
- they want to live their own life, discovering new things and places every day
- they don’t want to take on the responsibility and commitment
- they have health issues
- they love their pets and are happy with “pet children”
- the world we live in is a scary, polluted, violent, greedy place and bringing another human being into it just seems cruel sometimes
- They are aware of poor education, social, and environmental issues at hand
- They prefer a glass of wine and silent relaxation for at least four hours upon arriving home from a crazy eight hour work day
Among a myriad of other good reasons. Now, do not start with the whole “but having kids is great!” You know what? I’m sure it is, WHEN IT IS SOMETHING YOU WANT. Not everybody wants it. To call it selfish is ridiculous. And no, I really don’t think the human population will become extinct. Even if it did.. who cares? Why would that be such a bad thing?
The end 
An interesting and welcome blog! As a woman who has been very sure for a long time that I don’t want to have children, the older I get, the more I get the ‘selfish’ thing. I agree with you on all of the reasons not to have children. I might also add that you could interpret wanting to havechildren as selfish, because it’s your desire to perpetuate your bloodline, and project a smaller version of yourself into the world. I combat the selfish accusation with my plans to eventually donate my eggs for IVF, that way I’m giving life to those who do really really want it.
Thank you! You’re absolutely right, having children could definitely be seen as a selfish act. Dare I even say it may actually be MORE selfish then not having kids? I appreciate the input.